When it comes to deepening intimacy, spicing things up, or simply exploring new sensations together, sex toys can be a wonderful addition to any relationship! But let’s be honest, bringing them up can feel awkward, especially if it's the first time you're introducing the idea.
Whether you're in a long-term relationship or just starting something new, here’s a few ways to bring sex toys into the conversation and why it might just be one of the best things you do for your connection.
1. Start With a Conversation. Not a Surprise.
Surprises can be fun, but not when they involve something as intimate as a new sex toy. The key here is communication. Frame it as an invitation, not a suggestion that something is lacking.
Try saying:
“I've been reading about ways couples can explore together more, and I came across something interesting. Would you ever be open to trying a toy together?”
This keeps the door open for dialogue and removes any sense of pressure or judgment!
2. Focus on Curiosity, Not “Fixing” Something
One of the biggest myths about sex toys is that they’re only for couples with a “problem.” In reality, they’re tools that can add novelty and pleasure to your connection.
Position it as a shared adventure rather than a solution to an issue. This helps avoid defensiveness and makes the experience about mutual enjoyment.
3. Explore Options Together
Make it a collaborative experience. Browse online shops together or plan a visit to a reputable store such as Smitten Kitten. Many stores have helpful staff who can guide you based on comfort level and curiosity.
Look for:
Couples’ toys that are designed to be used together
Remote-controlled options for playful exploration
Beginner-friendly toys with simple features and soft materials
This builds anticipation and helps normalize the idea that toys are just another part of sexual play.
4. Normalize Play and Pleasure
Remember: sex toys don’t replace partners, they enhance experiences. Think of them like kitchen gadgets: you can make a great meal without a blender, but sometimes, that smoothie just hits differently.
Sharing the experience can even lead to more open communication, laughter, and deeper trust. And yes, it’s okay if it feels a little awkward at first. That’s part of what makes it intimate.
5. Check In (And Keep Talking)
After you’ve introduced a toy into the bedroom, don’t assume everything is smooth sailing. Check in afterward both about how it felt physically and emotionally.
Try asking:
“How did that feel for you?”
“Was there anything you liked or didn’t like?”
“Would you want to try something different next time?”
Sexual exploration is a journey. Checking in keeps it safe, connected, and evolving.
Final Thoughts: Intimacy Is About Openness
Introducing sex toys into your relationship doesn’t have to be a big deal or a weird one. At its heart, it’s just another way of saying: “I want to explore this with you.”
If you or your partner feel unsure, remember that it’s okay to have mixed feelings. At Out of the Woods Counseling, I support individuals and couples in navigating these conversations with confidence, compassion, and clarity.